so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
