I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
