Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i think my cat just said my name.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
