I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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