i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
