Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
