loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
