i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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