I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
