Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
