That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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