ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
