i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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