just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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