Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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