i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
