Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
