What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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