Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
