Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
