She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
