the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
