Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
