I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
