I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
There are leaves in my underwear?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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