Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
