They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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