I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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