My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
