What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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