I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My vagina is officially offended.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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