Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
