awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
