I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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