there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It's just like the Real World with babies
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
