Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
