Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
