The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
