plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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