I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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