i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
