You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
