I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
