wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
