but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
