Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize