I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
