I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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