I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
