So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
