Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize