tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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