we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
