What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You have to summon your inner elephant
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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