Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
