Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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