pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
