I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
