If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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