There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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