hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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