my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
