My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
