At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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