he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
