honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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