Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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