2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
