Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
