Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize