maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
