she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
