im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
