I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
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My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
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apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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