Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
