it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I didn't notice because vodka
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
