I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
